Paper

What is it about having things on paper that make them seem more real? I can deal with things more easily when they're just up on the computer screen looking at me through a hazy glow and be fine, but the second it's on real paper it seems like more.

I think it's a tangible thing, something about having a physical form that I can put my hand on rather than something I can click on and have disappear when I don't want to think about it.

I printed off what I'm going to submit to my thesis advisor a few minutes ago and now my stomach feels like it's spinning in circles--tilt-a-whirl style. I want to be done with this more than anyone could possibly know. Am at the point where I think I'd be okay with never writing anything about Joyce again. I don't think I could tolerate not reading Ulysses again, or Finnegans Wake is that bizarre? Probably. I really am an English major through and through, aren't I?

Maybe I'll just drive up to class now and drop it off, out of sight out of mind. My class isn't until 1:00, but I know my thesis advisor is there at 10:00. I'm sure I can find something to work on for two to three hours. My next paper perhaps.

I have this extraordinary feeling that this is never going to end for me. But there's really nothing that I'd rather be doing. sigh